I get a lot of -BAD- character submissions but sometimes I get submissions that make even the saddest, non-interactive and forgettable wallflower seem like a godsend.

Now i like to think im pretty accepting. I usually ask Roy to help me work with a person rather than just outright denying them. But then there are some you just cant save. So first, some teasers: These two submissions I denied outright and know ive told a few of you about.

S= Submitter.
M= Me.

1) S-'I want to play a brujah.'
M- 'Cool, we could use some good anarchs.'
S- 'I want to have a busload of ghouls.'
M- 'Uh, why?'
S- 'Ghouls with Ak-47s and grenades! like, 20 of them! we can really fuck some shit up!'
M- '....'

2) S- 'Are you familiar with Arthurian legends of Lancelot and Guinivere?'
M- 'I dont think i like where this is going.'
S- 'No, youll love it!'
M- Insert brief AFK to get a strong drink. 'Ok, lets hear it.'
S- 'What if Lancelot and Guinivere never died, because Lancelot is a vampire, and Guinivere is an immortal mage and they are still together, and in love, and running from the true Arthur who was the first vampire!'
M- Insert image of me chugging a drink and getting a re-fill and deciding to just download porn all night rather than continue this conversation.

Alot of the time im tempted to approve these crack-ass characters just to see how quickly everyone rallies together to kill them off. But i always get really scared at the prospect of them having friends and inviting them to the game: 'OMG Lestat, Armand and [insert twilight vamp name here] you HAVE to join this game!'

I will kill you, I will maim you, I will socially ostracize you but i will not inflict that kind of torment on my players. Last night i got another one, which i am going to post in its entirety because it really is that bad and its funny to see how many times the submitter told me: 'Enjoy the Read' even after i denied him with this classic one liner:

You know what? Lets just really not bother.. I just cant do this nicely.

-Radiation

Anyway, without further ado, here is the true cream of the 'Submit this if you want to get blocked' crop. All italics are my run-time commentary and critiques.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is the history with basics, I have written this character for years then converted him into the WOD that lead to t he Victoria era group and another group before that.  Enjoy the read.

So here im expecting him to justify an elder character. Thats okay, i have no idea who he is and from previous emails he seemed at least knowledgeable; if cocky and kinda like he wanted me to blow him while reciting obscure ventrue clan knowledge.


Biography
Name: Louis Armatage Cue: Interview with a vampire flashbacks
Birthplace: Paris France Cue: I hate the french.
Parents: Orphan Cue: Oh god this is the worst kind of foreshadowing
Siblings: None duh.
Spouse: None GAY!
Dependents: None
Interests: Military Tactics, skill of arms, Cultures, history and Literature as well as crafting.

The interests roll about 6 characters into one. I still have no idea if this is a vampire, nevermind what clan, sect or age.

Descrïption: Louis stands at an even 6 feet with a square jaw, broad shoulders and solid rippling muscle from his shoulders to his calves. His well defined and chiseled features perfection gained through years20of blood, sweat and pain. Scars cross his body giving a hint to that pain he has endured in service to his country or a cause he deemed worthy. His eyes are a frosty deep green that seem to pierce into a person’s soul, reading everything as if laid bare before him. Short ebony locks of darkness frame his confident, masculine features that are infused with intelligence and depth.

I dont know why i continued reading. My initial impulse was: 'Beans is going to have to rape his face and shit on his chest. Or better yet, as Lilah suggested, Hyde has to make this guy his prison bitch.

Dont get me wrong, i Love when people slather on details. But when you submit a jewish looking fabio who happens to be, well, everything; im liable to reply with a picture of my scrotum and leave it at that.

History:

Louis Armatage was born during a full moon on winter solstice, an orphan that attracted the patronage of a wealthy benefactor.
</ SPAN>A Fae in the guise of a noble in order to protect Louis as he was Kinain, those of the Fae blood, and yet not of the fae who meant so much to their full-blooded brethren.  This unique heritage was evident at birth as his eyes had violet pupils that reflected light like a cats and he was an unusually large baby at birth.

Okay. I was blindsided here. I thought i was reading a VAMPIRE THE FUCKING MASQUERADE submission. We dont offer Fae, i dont like Fae, noone fucking plays Fae. As the Giovanni say: The only fairies i worry about are the Toreador.

It was=2 0said that one could look into his young piercing eyes and see the intelligence, determination and indomitable will that he possessed and that he was meant for greatness. He had a natural air of majesty and nobility, yet never knew his mother or his father.

I bet he also has a hot throbbing member and unconquerable lust but capacity for great tenderness. This is the point where i made my third drink and shared this with Lilah even though i had to get up for work in six hours. I just could not deal with the trauma alone...


His journeys took him across the world and at the tender age of twelve he entered his first war, the War of the Austrian Succession known in the New World as King George's War in 1740. His sharp shooting gained him a spot in the army as a scout and ranger gaining decorations for valor and bravery. Eight years of hardened battle mainly land based for the youth but also some conflict at sea infused experience with unmatched training to make him w hat he was.

He joined the army at 12?!? AND was tender?! Im now expecting rape trauma. We all know how fucking fashionable rape trauma is.

If you want to join the army at 12, be an african child soldier. At least i can respect that.


The Silesian Campaign/ War in 1741 culminated at the Battle of Mollwitz where Prussia remained masters of the field and the Silesia conflict became the beginning of the War o f Austrian Succession.. Peace between Prussia and Austria , signed at Breslau on 11 June 1742, closed the First Silesian War.  Louis fought on the side of the Russians during the Russo-Swedish War from 1742-1743 instigated by the Hats, a Swedish political party which aspired to regain the territories lost to Russia during the Great Northern War, and by French diplomacy, which sought to divert Russia's attention from supporting its long-standing ally, Austria, in the War of the Austrian Succession.  For his actions in this campaign Louis was awarded the Order of St. George the Triumphant in the fir st and forth classes by Catherine the Great.

All i got out of that was: I jerk off in history class, or im making this shit up and know its way too boring for you to care.

Armatage joined forces with the Austrians and their British Allies in 1744, the campaign was known as the Second Silesian War where he fought against old friends, the Prussians who now supported France and attacked the Netherlands .  Four additional years of fighting including two years in Italy brought incredible skill development for him with a blade any blade which was matched with his ability with pistol and rifle; making him a true master of these arts.

I have never heard of any of these people or any of these wars. But then again, im not a virgin either.

I am also now deeply concerned that what was initially described as a 'Ventrue scholar with an aptitude for languages' has spent his entire 'tender' life in fucking battle.


Upon his eighteenth birthday in 1750, he received a package and a letter. The package was his birthright and the letter his heritage. The Toledo steel heavy gold and jewel encrusted sword was a gift from his benefactor of who he knew nothing about and had never met, but to him20it mattered not.

Hey thats good because it doesnt fucking matter to me either. I assume this was included just to justify having Firearms:5 Melee:5

The letter told him that he was the illegitimate son of King Louis XIV of France and the Duchess of York who he had raped as she had been held captive after her ship had been captured.

I KNEW IT!

The Duchess escaped to safety a year later with the British crown believing her dead, a story of her survival did not include the French or of her abandoned child as she did not want war with France , just what was in the best interests of her country.  The Benefactor of Louis was Queen Anne of France and although he was not her child and would never know Palace life in France, she felt she had a responsibility to handle the indiscretions of her husband in a decent and honorable fashion.  In reality, Louis was the illegitimate child of King Louis XIV but his mother was Fae in the guise of the duchess and the story told a cover up.

In reality i just cried a little. Im also still really confused how all this fae shit is getting included when nowhere on ANY website i have ANYTHING to do with is the word Fae ever mentioned.

Six years later, the Seven Years War (1756–1763) took place among the European powers and their colonies, enco mpassing the French and Indian War that consumed the world taking Louis in its clutches sending him off to war once again on the side of Great Britain , the Kingdom of Ireland , Hesse-Kassel , Prussia and others.  As with changing political fortunes and desires, the allegiance of Louis changed once again.  During the course of the seven years of war he was awarded the Order of the garter by the King of Great Britain and the Order of the Thistle, granted by the monarch in an additional capacity to the sixteen Scotsmen in the Order. Due to achievements earned in battle, Armatage had his next posting as captain of the Kings own royal foot guards, though this lasted but a year and he was transferred into the Royal Marines and sent to Kingston Jamaica.

$10 says he has cum-stains in an encyclopedia somewhere.

The Kings displeasure was great at finding his guard commander sleeping with his second oldest daughter and so Armatage was sent far away, skills and ability, bringing a reprieve of execution along with personal assistance from the Duchess of York though she never explained why she helped the young captain while in reality she was his Fae mother.

I guess it was inevitable that hed get some historical ass. I just wish he had slept with his own Fae mother, that would have at least been amusing.


The tropics were soothing to his mind as England brought too many bad memories and no place had he been ever felt like home, until then. His wide range of skills from artillery to infantry and so much more were wasted in the civilized world he believed and so he was content to see what life brought in the new world.  After the battle of Tortuga----

Like pirates of the carribean?!?!

----he was given the title of Pasha by the Princess of the Ottoman Empire after saving her and her hand maidens life from pirate captivity, the honor was a permanent title of honor for those that done incomparable deeds in the service of the Empire.  At the end of the conflict, Louis donated his king’s fortune share of the hidden wealth he had found with Count Bielke to the Swedish throne so that they could rebuild their colonies after the great destruction brought about by the pirate captain MacFearson.  In response to this unasked generosity, King Adolf Fredrik of Sweden awarded Armatage his countries highest military honor, the Serafimer Orden and made him Count of Ingermanland while placing a large marble statue of Louis in front of the Royal palace and the ca pital cities center square in Sweden as well as the city square of Gustavia in the Caribbean.

Honor this, honor that. Is it just me or is this motherfucker living a goddamn long time for being a Mortal who goes to every fucking forgotten war ever??


With one year on the HMS Repulse as chief gunnery officer and a Royal Marine, Armatage did the unthinkable and freed MacFearson and her surviving crew and used them in the rescue of the captured nobles and men of the HMS Repulse, he did not return to Kingston an MacFearson and her crew deposited the rescued people in the America’s where they gained passage back to Kingston.  Louis disappeared for two years before he was found and approached by an agent of Count Bielke in Egypt and asked to join the Enigheten as second in command and accept a commission in the Swedish navy, which he did.

Wtf Egypt? I suddenly regret advertising on Yahoo groups.


Louis spent eight years on board ship before he disappeared once more while on an exploration mission of ancient origins, he did not return for five years and when he did return to Jamaica he was frail and lacking in strength as well as stamina.  A disease had ravaged his body and although he told everyone he had fought off the virulent d isease and all doctors agreed to this as no sign of the infection was present, Louis knew that it had only been through the gift of vita that he remained alive as he had found the ancient city and its treasures deep in the Sahara desert, but at a price. AKHET-PNETER: City of Gods was the mysterious city of proto-Egypt, where the creatures known later as the gods of Egypt were but mortal rulers who later became gods.  The Nile changed its course over the years, and as the temperature of the earth was increasing the land which was fertile started to dry, and would become one day the Sahara desert. Once, west of actual Egypt, the First Empire, the Empire of Gods, along the Nile, was among the first civilizations ruled by gods which could, by then, come there in their true form. There, Ra ruled, from his pyramid-like palace in the center of Akhet-Pneter, the Horizon of the Gods, or more commonly called the City of Gods .

Insert sub-human grunting noises and the sounds of shotglasses being lined up.


The blood of his heritage and his magical abilities granted by this blood allowed him to find the city, his skills and talents in addition to his magic carried victory along with salvation only to begin to die slowly by disease and poison.  Calamities only healed by the vitae of a kindred, the discovery of a lifetime never told but to a few people

...Wtf just happened?


Two years after his escape, Louis was found by the woman that had saved his life in the Sahara.  Without permission she embraced him severing his connection to the blood magic he had learned over the years.  With abject shock his sire perished that same night, her contempt at his ability to fight against her wishes, a main cause of her demise with only the name of her clan being learned by Louis in the short time he knew his sire

Are there even ventue in egypt? And seriously, what kind of vampire lives in the Sahara? Its a rather barren, bloodless, SUN FILLED place.

=0 A

I dont know what the above is, i just cut and paste people.

It was this lack of lineage that stripped away the merits of his mortal life within the ranks of the undead; the Ventrue did not care about mortal fame as it was this fame that got you embraced only the lineage of new offspring and what they could do for the clan.  With no hope of ever holding real power, power Louis did not truly want, he travelled the world helping those in need or who wanted his services while learning what he could before moving on to the next city or location taking part in the American Revolution, the Civil War to World War One and Two among other pivotal times in his adopted homeland of America.  In the end, the only thing that mattered to him was deeds done, not peer review that mattered to Louis and he lived his life accordingly to this even after being branded an anti venture with his lack of caring for power, money, climbing the social ladder and a lack of interest for all things Ventrue.

[i]Life expectancy in Sanfield where the Malkavian Prince likes to EAT ventrue and the Ventrue elder would hate you: Maybe an hour.[/i]

[i]Odds that this pretty-boy, Military expert, blade-esque fucking frenchman would continue to play even when he realized outcast rebels really means people arent too nice to you: Slim to None.[/i]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please, comments. What do you all think of this? And how many of you want my job now?  

--Last edited by Radiationjunkie on 2009-01-03 08:50:22 --

Oh, well... Uh, I had a lot to say about this submission. But you know, I have one more thing to add.

" =0 A  "

I think that's an advertising hole for you to fuck him (up). He's practically begging for it.

Am I allowed to say that on here? Oh well, just did. Not any worse than face fucking and shitting on, which, by the way, I highly recommended.

Hebony would poop on him, and use him as a scratching post. I would reach through the screen, and *itch slap him for even MENTIONING Egypt. My gods, that was too horrid for words

At some point I just stopped reading what he wrote and just read your comments, because it was just sad after the seventieth History Lesson line.

I can't believe you actually had the strength to read this all the way though, you have balls my good man!

Please post more of these whenever they po(o)p up (and I'm sure it's quite often!) we could all use a good laugh now and again.

I'm surprised he didn't have a side-kick by the name of Armand with him, then wouldn't he be just perfect?

Dude, you must have a huge cabinet full of lots of alcohol.

Yes we have at least a metric shit ton of these lying about, I do seem to recall a submission for a malkavian years ago though, it started something like this....

Donny was a monkey trainer and loved his job, until one day he got a new monkey and Bobo wasn't like the others....

Yes he was submitting not only a 9th gen Malk, but his 8th gen baboon sire, but oh nooo not done just yet, his cadre of baboon ghouls as well.

I believe that was my absolute favorite, but there is always tomorrow and what magically shows up in our inbox.

You know...after that....errr..whatever it was, my french toreador (embraced at the turn of the century, she just never says WHAT century) who was sold as a child to the local vampire (who bought her to raise as his chylde) got pregnant by a mage, but never saw her son, is now blood bonded to a lasombra and has obten of 3 doesn't seem so bad.

then again, I could also ressurect Olivia from the Saint Germain chronicles.

So, I do have to hand it to the guy for his encyclopedic knowledge of obscure French history (hey, I'm a History/English major myself, so I have to respect that).  Unfortunately, if he spent half as much time spouting out esoteric military facts as he did writing a COHERENT FUCKING STORY he'd have a halfway decent character of some kind.  Maybe.  I don't know.  I think he spent more energy on historical masturbation than he did actually coming up with something that made sense.  I mean, god knows I like to drench characters in historical details, but that's something I like to elucidate within the game, not gob on during the initial creation phase.  

Basically, I think he was just trying to say "Look at me, I'm smart!  I can retain information but have no real creativity!"

Kinda reminded me of this one time a D&D player of mine submitted a reformed mindflayer ranger/paladin with a hippogriff mount.  

And I thought this shit only came from WOTC players.

That seriously made me fall asleep, I had to slap myself awake just to get through it. Sad...so sad...and yet now I'm not so afraid to submit my Gangrel. *Shudders* I don't mind detail, I love detail, but for Heaven's sake, don't put me to sleep! It was amusing though, you guys should post more!

Yeah as a another history major. this post shows what wrong with field of history. He dose not put any form of critical thinking in his history it just same old bull shit. I'm actually get little pissed because i have to deal with the jack off on a daily basis who only see history as a black n white subject. Fuckem all and their military history loving ass. Yea i just love how this douche glorified war. His character just loved war so much that he was in so many different conflicts. yea i would really like this person to go meet some p.o.w. i met over the ages and see the damage of war dose upon a psyche. i guess if he made his character a Malky it would make more sense. i'm pretty sure he be teaching football at some high school in future and he can only get a hard on while masturbating to the military channel.  

There was another Ventrue submission i got way back when that read like this:

Name: Blah Blah-blah. [I dont remember.]

Concept: Richest Man on Earth.

Ghouls: Bill Gates and The guy who owns wal-mart.

No Joke.
These people exist.
And then they wonder why Prince Carter EATS Ventrue...

AHhahhaahha...

I remember the Lancelot one but this history guy, rofl!

I keep saying it, but when one of these toons finally makes it into play, I have enough characters on this board that may somehow team up and put aside their differences to obliterate these guys!

Think of the Damage a Werewolf, 2 Vampires, a Mage, and 2 Ghouls could do.  Oh it's delicious...

Just one more comment on some applications

EYESPORK

So i have another one. This is a very familiar submission, i know i denied this exact character at least twice before.

A little background:

This player saw my Myspace Ads and messaged me asking what clans i was looking to fill and if he could play an 'anarch troublemaker'. Naturally, i was thrilled; he even said hed been playing for 8 years and even though his myspace penmanship was horrid, i decided maybe he was better when he wasnt on myspace.

I am an idiot sometimes.

[Again my comments are in italics!]

The first email i recieved read like this----------------------

From: Ryan Stensvold <rhino358@hotmail.com>
To: robdizzle@ymail.com
Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 1:14:43 PM
Subject:

my adobe was being dump so i did all the alterations in paint   lol   might help ya open it that way.     my only request is that my axe be made that it can with stand my potence.     ( a tzimesce  flesh crafted bone axe that does ag  would also be super sweet tp have)

[His sheet translated as follows:]

Name: Loki <---Gah...
Player: Beef <---I guess its no lamer than Radiation.
Nature: Bravo
Demeanor: Bravo <---I have a bad feeling about this...
Clan: Hajurb <---Huh?
Generation: 13th.
haven: Blank!
Concept: Blank! <---Now i have a -really- bad feeling about this.

STR- 4
DEX- 4
STA- 4

CHA-2
MAN-2
APP-2

PER-3
INT-2
WIT-3

Alert-3
Ath-2
Brawl-3
Dodge-3
Intim-1
Street-1

Drive-2
Melee-5 <--- AHHH! i think i figured out the character concept!
Repair-1
Stealth-1
Survival-2

Investigation-2
Medicine-1
Occult-2

Disciplines-
Potence-3

Backgrounds-
Status-1
Resources-3
Herd-2

Virtues-
Conscience-3
Self-con-2
Courage-5

Humanity-3
Willpower-8

Merits/flaws.
-Huge Size m4
-Thin blood f4

WEAPON-

Axe- STR+4 Lethal

No idea where that number came from... Dark ages maybe?

----------------------------------------------

That was it. Thats all i got, no history, no background, not even a character descrïption. So i replied:

Date: Wed, 7 Jan 2009 10:29:46 -0800
From: robdizzle@ymail.com
Subject: Re:
To: rhino358@hotmail.com


Alright, maybe i wasnt clear on what a submission needs to be, so here is my list of issues and things i want you to include.

Include: A character descrïption, background, personality notes and history with your sheet.

Issues with the sheet:

1) You have to choose both a nature and a demeanor, they cant be the same thing.

2)You need a character concept... that should really go without saying.

3) 'Hajurb' is not a clan. We are playing vampire the masquerade, please choose one of the 13 clans to belong to.

4) Melee 5 is not going to happen. In fact, Melee isnt going to happen, at all. Being 13th generation you are a young vampire and Melee is only allowed at more than 2 dots to characters who were embraced in a time when swords were the only available weapons.

5)Explain your backgrounds.

6) Axes do STR+2 Lethal damage.

7) 8 willpower on a neonate will need to be justified in the history.

Hit me back with the above issues fixed and a history and background included and we can go from there.

-Radiation

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I was nice wasnt i? So then i got what i asked for. Here is the background in its entirety, i have not added any comments or made any edits.

From: Ryan Stensvold <rhino358@hotmail.com>
To: robdizzle@ymail.com
Sent: Thursday, January 8, 2009 12:48:04 AM
Subject: RE:

new me..  hopefully it all happens to be alright.  if theres anyhting more needed or should i change  let me know.  thank you.

loki-

born 1046 to a norse family in norway, he was the youngest of 5 but tho only son.  hos fathers dreams were to have a son to carry in the family legacy of raiding.  lokis father was a captain of a viking ship. and as time went on lolkis father taught him everything to survive, from leading troops into battle, hand to hand combat, and new master sword fighting.  but the day came that lokis needed to step into his fathers foot steps.  he was sent to england in 1066 to try and conquere this land.  as they battled there way through he became hardend with every battle watching the men he grew up with fall at his side.. but they raged on   it was there destiny to die.  they were gaining ground and came to the castle that they must over take.  they pushed through,  they came to the halls in which the king had been hiding, suronded by some of the best warriors in england  he watched his father die at the hand of the kings right hand man. at thay moment loki snapped and slayed that man and the king, not for the cause but for vengance that his father had died.  after all of this loki headed back home with the remaining survivors to regroup and head back out for more.  but when he returned he came to find that his wife was pregnant and his mother was very sick.  he had to stay home to take care of his family  he knew he couldnt risk his own life after seeing his father die.  he had to be there for his son.  as the years passed his mothers health got worse and soon she also passed.  he had to find something to support his family, so he became a trader and sold goods and treasures that were collected from his fathers and his ventures.  he was suprised at the riches he sournded hi self with.  



his story ran wild across the country side, untill a man of the night heard of it.  one night this man arrived on lokis door step asking for the man that slayed the king of england.  loki spoke up but insisted that he wasnt a hero, it was for vengance of his fathers life..  but the man wasnt caring of his heroism but his ability to kill!  then the man turned aned slayed all of lokis family his wife and son.  grabed loki in his arms and buried his fangs into his neck.  it was the best and worst feeling he had ever felt.  as he turned he became full of rage, but also a releif.  the man told him this was his calling and now that all he had was gone its now time to serve the gods.  so he learned all he needed to know as his new self was diffrent then his past.  



time went on and loki became stronger then he ever thought imaginable, he was now granted eternal life and the strenght of ten men.  but  the time came that he was also avenge his familys death and attacked his new "father" and battled till the death..  loki survived but only barely, but he again had avenged his family.  with knowing all he thought he needed to know he set out to just roam the world, for he now had nothing to live or die for.  he loaded everything that was left and set out to explorer.    





decades came and went  new technology, clothes, roads, and citys.  he kept going, anf surviving  stopping in citys when new supplies and animals ( both true and humans to feed from( his story mezmerized people as he went on his way.) were needed for him to survive.  hundreds of years have past since that dreadful day and loki had finally found his place to stay  san feild rock.  small home in the burbs with a full basement  his where he lays his head and the heads of many more every night.





loki

6'11"320 pound beast of a man.  built stong and a heart even stronger.  a man that roams on his own yet will talk to anyone for he misses conversations with people.  he dresses in casual clothing(jeans and t shirts, but also can be scene in nicer things also  slacks and a button up when heading some where important,  if you see him in his furs though watch out hes ready to battle)  for to fit into society he needs to follow the norm, he already sticks out because of his shear size.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 8 Jan 2009 08:07:36 -0800
From: robdizzle@ymail.com
Subject: Re:
To: rhino358@hotmail.com


Ryan-

I have recieved this very character multiple times in my time as Sanfields ST. If you want to play a viking, find a viking game.

If you want to join my Vampire: The Masquerade game you need to create a modern Neonate, not an older than god Pathfinder ripoff. I wont even try to help you fix this. Just try again, or look elsewhere for a game. If you decide to create a considerable character i suggest you NOT type like a fourth grader when you submit. We take pride in the quality of our players and what ive seen from you so far would only drag us down to a level we work very hard to avoid.

Anyway, best of luck with whatever you decide.


-Radiation

-------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Ryan Stensvold <rhino358@hotmail.com>
To: robdizzle@ymail.com
Sent: Thursday, January 8, 2009 12:23:50 PM
Subject: RE:


ya i wont be joining your game!   im sorry that im not a english major and that my typing blows...  i probably wouldnt have any fun in your game anyways..  but ah thanks for atleast getting me to go out and buy all the resources i needed.  

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 8 Jan 2009 10:04:21 -0800
From: robdizzle@ymail.com
Subject: Re:
To: rhino358@hotmail.com

Agreed, I think you would have found the constraints of grammar, plot and substance far too limiting.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

yes are gaming styles are far apart, in which one finds fun another finds distaste.  i hope you all the luck of the world.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Im not even going to bother with comments. I think isaid everything i needed to in my email replies. This is the shit i put up with to shield you all from the freaks out there. God knows there will be more...  

--Last edited by Radiationjunkie on 2009-01-09 11:16:33 --

I think I had a stroke when I read that.  *Warning:  History Lesson Approaching*

So he got one thing right -- Vikings did invade England in 1066.  That's about it.

No the Vikings did not kill the king of England, Harold Godwinneson.  Actually, Harold was slain about a week later at the infamous Battle of Hastings, according to sources after being struck in the eye by a Norman arrow.

The Vikings that attacked in 1066 were led by Harald Hardrada, who had a stake to the throne of England.  He attacked York and conquered it almost immediately -- actually, with only a nominal defense, and then the city surrendered to him.  Swollen with his confidence, Hardrada marched forth the next with his army, devoid of their armor, expecting the earls of Northumbria to surrender their territory to him.  What Hardrada did not know is that King Harold had made a grueling overnight march, covering half of England in twenty-four hours.  What Hardrada met at Stamford Bridge was not a small group of men meeting to sign an agreement of surrender, but the army of England.  The Vikings, outmanned and unarmored, still fought -- it became one of the most epic examples of the Vikings' legendary stalwartness.  According to legend, Hardrada held the bridge himself, slaying all comers, until an English soldier slid down the embankment with his spear and stabbed Hardrada in the stomach through the slats in the bridge.  Thus ended the last Viking king.

Oh, and his axe stats probably came from the Storyteller Companion.  They have expanded stats for melee weapons, if you want more variety to them.  So they don't just have generic "swords" but rapiers, kataanas, greatswords, etc. as well as different axes.  I think he's using the stats for a two-handed battle axe, whereas the typical axe from the corebook is supposed to be a wood-axe.

I have seen such crap in my day. I have seen someone ask how the Malkavian clan flaw helps their character specifically OCD and if that prevented them from being disarmed. I was like no it does not. Hell in one game we had a Tremere that was sired by the Regent for breaking the Masquerade before even being affiliated with Kindred in any. This character had a 5 in occult which ment that it had read the core rule book, in it's entirety. It had two ghouls one was your typical College Jock with a sub machine gun and Protean level 2. The other was just a slutty Drama Chick, and they both had loving relationship with their domitor. Also this character had 5 in movement of the mind. All of this was achieved in a short 3 weeks of unlife. I promptly left the game.